Reflections

Change

16. April 2014

It’s the only constant in our lives. It’s going to be something that will redirect the course of it, it is what’ll challenge us, and make or break us. There’s an irony in how all this works though. For the longest time I’ve been trying to get over my past, it’s always been the family that has fucked me over. Too many impulses and too many suicidal tendencies pressed into my mind. But the moment I finally get over something, it comes right around to remind me where I stood.

I think about you a lot but there is no reciprocation, there is no two way street. There hasn’t been in a long time too. I’ve become this thing that holds on to that 2% effort people give to me..

Maybe I have been getting over you this whole time and I’m glad because I really don’t deserve this turned cheek you give.

It’s about time I let go of you and hold on to the pieces of my sanity that have started to wander as I tried to grasp on to you.

God is good, and I am so blessed. 🙏

You give me hope, and I know I’m loved.

In the midst of the car ride dropping a friend home tonight, I realized, as I sat in the backseat, exactly what next weekend would mean for us. I dread hearing your name just because I have so strongly been trying to avoid it. And as much as I don’t want to, I know that it’s come to the point of either fighting for it or moving on and it’s going to be the latter… It’ll be fun and games for the day but reality will storm it’s way in for me to see that I don’t stand there.. Not with you at least. You’re not going to choose to and I have to start accepting that before it’s too late.

eatsleepdraw:

It’s what I want.By: Jimena De la O Magraner

Floating

5. April 2014

Maybe what I’m really missing is the intimacy of holding hands. Fingers wrapped over others not really searching for anything for once. Or a warm hug that envelopes your empty rib cage. It’s late, my mind is wandering and I don’t want anything more than to see you right now. I can’t begin to even explain the creeping sadness settling and in the morning it might linger like it usually does. But you’re in your own world, and I am not a part of something I wish I were. 

World of Dance is next weekend and I am so excited 😍 I can’t wait to see all these lovely people 💕