I’m not angry, or upset, maybe lost and a little confused but I think at this moment I’m anxious to know what life, real world life will feel like. I don’t want it to all be about getting wasted and partying with friends and meeting new people. I mean it sounds tempting, but I want to know if I am capable of supporting myself, getting my own education, a job, and date responsibly. I want to continue to dance and make art, I want to know what it feels like to date a race that isn’t my own. I want to mix it up a bit. I’ve already been through what it felt like to be rejected from a group that I have only known. I know what rumors feel like. Call me what you want but I’m not doing anything with a guilty conscience, I’m just trying to learn what it feels like to stand on my own two feet and not go back to what is familiar. I don’t want to rely on someone all the time, I don’t need someone to always baby me. Someone who will be my friend? yes, definitely that. One that isn’t going to fucking bail on me when I need them though. One who’s willing to stick it out like a real person and be sensitive every once in a while and talk about things going on. Not leave and don’t respond to any of my efforts to talk to you. I’m so sick of people not manning up. If you’re not going to talk to me I can’t do anything about that, but if you’re really planning to step back into my life don’t expect the lights on and a kettle of hot water ready for tea.
I need a cuddle buddy😪 someone to hug and what not and not be all complicated and shizz. Nawm sayin? Ugh
It’s not even about being on lineup at this point. It’s about the fact that I can’t let go that you as a coach couldn’t even tell me yourself what was going on. Or that training and getting a good opportunity at being trained is bias as fuck. I’m so done with a team that doesnt keep you updated if you’re not on lineup. Everyone else just doesnt matter. What shit is that as a coach? What happened to conditioning everyone, not just special treatment. What you want you go and get yourself.
Pretty awesome night to end a bummer day(: